for all the questions in my heart, mind, and soul about the way music is generally the sole expression of worship in the church, and a lack of clarity on how to even broach the subject of altering that, i have to admit that there is something special about singing to God. it's almost weird when you think about it. what is it about singing that lets us say things we don't say well, or at all, without music? why do notes and rhythms change our poetry to a deeply affective response. i don't know. but even in all my wrestling with the text of Isaiah 58 and Micah 6 regarding the heart of God on what He wants and requires, i do still know that there's something about singing that He loves and we love.

and so there are many times that the the most connective moment for me on a sunday morning is one line from one song worming it's way past all of life and into my deeper thoughts and feelings...and it happened this morning.

carlos ruiz led worship this morning, and did a great job, as usual. his first song, Open the Eyes of My Heart, brought back thoughts i've had for a while, as this was one of the songs that first sent me on my journey of undefining and redefining worship.

the second song was in Carlos' native tongue, Spanish. i don't remember the name, but he's led us in this song before. essentially it says if you have faith equivalent to a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain "move" and it will be moved.

about halfway through the chorus i was overcome with this thought. the very thing i mulled over on the way to church, the very thing i fretted over on easter sunday (and nearly every day for quite some time), and the thing that's been the 6 year weight...well, i don't have the faith of a mustard seed toward any of them. i'm not going to go into great depths on what they are, but in brief, the hope and desire to get married, the broken relationship between my brother and sister-in-law, and tunnel of debt that resulted from bad business and worse personal decisions, in that order, ran through my mind in the space of a second or two.

the sermon was good, excellent even, but it was singing the word "muevete" over and over where God spoke to me and gave me my lesson for the day. it's been with me all day. i've mostly come to grips with the first one, lost hope in the second, and have been working very hard to break past the third. and today i was reminded, in the most common form of worship, through words that may have not struck home without the music, that these mountains might cause me great struggle, but my Father is not hampered by limitations.



i was gonna write more, but i guess that sums it up pretty well. besides, it's time i wrote a post under 4 chapters long.